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A Ride with the Notorious Anne Kansiime

Somalia is at a critical juncture in its efforts to achieve security and stability, page http://cikza.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-super-cache/ossdl-cdn.php the country’s President told the United Nations General Assembly calling for continued support to strengthen Somalia as a security and ideological “firewall.”

Addressing the 69th high-level debate of the UN General Assembly on Friday, approved http://celiac-disease.com/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/json-endpoints/class.wpcom-json-api-get-post-v1-1-endpoint.php Somali President Hassan Sheikh Mohamud said that Somalia will meet the world’s aspirations for a better future, http://currencyaffairs.org/wp-admin/includes/class-ftp.php “We have a country that is beginning to unite as a nation, behind a vision that will see a federal and united Somalia in 2016.”

He noted that his Federal Government is taking concrete steps to engage all Somalis, including women and minority groups, in the political process of nation-building.

“Our success requires the support of our international partners, but most of all it demands the ownership and commitment of the Somali people,” he said.

The President’s address follows a high-level meeting on Somalia held earlier this week on the margins of the General Assembly’s opening high-level session.

During the event, Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon noted that the Somali peace process is “gathering momentum” but warned that there is “much work still ahead” for the Horn of Africa country.

Speaking on Wednesday, Mr. Ban voiced optimism that the country was on track to achieving political and national stability through the Somali Federal Government’s “Vision 2016” plan for a political transformation, to which Mr. Mohamud alluded in his speech.

In his address, the President also noted the humanitarian threat facing Somalia with around 3.2 million people in need of life-saving or livelihood saving aid.

A $933 million humanitarian appeal for the country remains “severely underfunded” with only 32 per cent of the amount received.

UN CORPS
This is a kind of story that I would have loved to introduce with a ha-ha. Waking up on Sunday morning, page http://crfg.org/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/json-endpoints/class.wpcom-json-api-get-term-endpoint.php I didn’t imagine what the day had in store for me. I had plans with Gerald Ojok, viagra Anne Kansiime’s husband to meet up some time in the early morning over a private issue.

I had agreed with Gerald that we would meet at the couple’s newly opened Kubby’s bar in Naalya. I arrived about half an hour earlier and decided to take advantage of the remaining time to enjoy my favorite ice-cold Heineken at the serene and beautiful bar as I waited for Gerald. Little did I know that Africa’s Crown Queen of Comedy was coming along, and that this was to change the entire encounter.

Eventually, I heard a car’s tyres rolling over the gravel in the washing bay outside; I was sure this was Gerald, however when I turned to have a look, an unfamiliar white car was emerging into the parking lot and it was being driven by Anne Kansiime. Trust me; I am good with car models but I realized that I hadn’t taken notice of this particular car’s model when writing this piece; all I remember is that it was being driven by the Al-funny Kansiime.

Anne is that kind of a comedian that you look at and you are immediately reminded of something funny that she said or did. And this time, she was donning a pair of glasses in which I had seen her do some favorite piece of comedy last year when she was still working at NTV. I nearly burst into laughter. I was only held back by the fear of, ‘what will Gerald think of me when he sees me laughing at his wife like that?’

So the couple moves out of the car and starts moving towards me. I exchange pleasantries with Gerald and later with Anne (in Rukiga). I could tell that she had noticed the tension within me. She turns to her workers and salutes, “Mwasuuze mutya banyabo ne basebo,” Luganda for, “How was the night, ladies and gentlemen?”

After the workers responding in unison and in a serious manner to someone who is famous world over for joking, I realized that I was not about to get that moment when everyone at the bar found the whole situation funny enough so that I at least release the laughter.

However, she came to my rescue when she turned to me and said, “Why torture yourself, you know you want to laugh at me; you just laugh, it’s not a crime.” That justified a few seconds of uncontrolled laughter. At least I had the permission.

In a short time, I had concluded whatever business I had with Gerald and was ready to go. This is when Anne, who was also heading to town, offered a lift. I immediately hoped in and she started driving out of the parking.

As she drove through the gate, a man in a red 4×4 who was carelessly driving in the middle of the narrow road, not minding on coming and overtaking traffic was passing by, “Look at this man, he is driving so carelessly, he is going to cause an accident,” she howled as she drove into the lane right behind the red 4×4.

From this moment, it was as if I had paid for the VVIP section of the ‘Night of a Thousand Laughs’, “Look at him,” she said ‘pointing’ (using the mouth) at the red 4×4.

“I think that he is even drunk,” she added as the driver continued to drive even more carelessly, “I think he has just been drinking and has left the alcohol at home to first go and look for fellow drunkards and is now disappointed that everyone else on the road is sober.” All this time, my ribs were wrecking.

The 4×4 then parks at another bar in the area, “You see, I told you,” she says as she overtakes the red car.

Immediately the red car was out of sight, our car was rocked with a fresh but equally funny argument. “I miss the old pork, it had a special aroma and taste that is not like the one that we have of late,” Anne starts. We argue for a couple of minutes until all of a sudden, “Yamawe, Omukazi ayinne nkekibuunu!” (The woman has a big butt!) Anne starts as we pass by a woman who is actually gifted with a butt.

“Ehh… some people are true investors, that kind of butt will surely take her places,” she notes. “I only pity the men who are always treated to the torture of walking behind her on staircases,” she added. “But Anne that is not torture!” I tell her.

“If you think that that is not torture, then you do not know how it feels to work as a cleaner in a kitchen at an Indian Restaurant. Do you know how it feels being exposed to the smell of the food which you are not supposed to eat?” she asks.

This could have gone on and on if it wasn’t that I had reached my stop. As I moved out of the car, I was left wondering how Gerald managed to say the serious things that he said to Anne because it had come to my observation that there is a thin line between Anne Kansiime, the entertainer and Anne Kansiime, the person.

by Bruno Agababyona

brunoagaba@gmail.com


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