Why You Must Be Transparent to Your Spouse

Pastor David Musooli and the wife Suzan Musooli

By: Pr. David Musooli

Transparency is one of the ingredients of a strong and stable marriage, viagra without which lots of relationships have of the late broken down.

According to the Bible account, there the man Adam and his wife Eve were originally naked and not ashamed. They were not ashamed with one another and not ashamed before God. Being transparent can be likened to being ‘naked and not ashamed’.

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There was transparency, openness and nothing was hidden by one person from the other. I believe that this nakedness was physical, emotional and spiritual. After they sinned against God, they became ashamed.

God’s ideal plan for the husband and wife in a Christian marriage is transparency as it was in the very beginning. He wants every spouse to be as open as possible to the other. The greater the honesty and transparency, the stronger the marriage will be.

The lack of transparency in marriage is a result of mistrust and insecurity towards each other, or one toward the other.

The more secrets you keep from your spouse, the less opportunity you have for real intimacy in your marriage.

Transparency in Secret Relationships

One of the key areas in which couples have secrets is in external relationships; especially external relationships with people of opposite sex.

With the on-going world-wide advancements in technology, it has become easier for people to be distant from each other and yet communicate as though they are so close. It has also become easy for people too keep secret emails, secret phone calls and messages of various sorts.

This has culminated into situations where one is afraid for their spouse to read their cell phone messages and uncomfortable for the other party to be close by while they talk on phone or read a text message.

From ‘little white lies’ to more significant secrets, marriages are being destroyed for lack of transparency.

A serious Christian husband or wife should crave a state in their marriage where there are less secrets, or no secrets at all. This is a bedrock and firm foundation that guarantees stability in marriage. God’s ideal marriage is absolute honesty between spouses. There should be no room for lies and deceit in a marriage setting.

Transparency of Previous Relationships

Circumstances where it is difficult to share your dreams with your spouse or where you feel ‘unsafe’ to tell your spouse what is happening in your life can be detrimental to the marriage.

Such a state of affairs is not God’s desire for a couple, the antidote to secrets in marriage is good communication and dialogue.

Making time to talk and be real with one another is crucial in ensuring transparency, honesty and ultimately a healthy marriage.

Also, there can be secrets related to such things as promiscuity, sexual sin and unfaithfulness which can take several forms and become deadly to the marriage unless the issues are brought into the light and are addressed.

Bringing these issues into the light must be based on the understanding that the couple value their relationship with God and their marriage more than anything else.

Secondly, that the couple is willing to join strength and work together to fight against the enemies of their marriage.

Transparency in Weaknesses

Disclosing your struggles and what is going on with the real you to your spouse can be difficult to do, but it is considerably necessary.

You deserve the support from your spouse and you also need to give the same support. Unfaithfulness and cheating on your spouse resulting from a lack of openness to each other can become emotionally painful. It can lead to a break-up once discovered by the other partner.

This should not happen. God calls us to be faithful to one another in our marriages and to glorify Him.

Transparency is a key to addressing the problem of unfaithfulness in marriages. Marriage is designed by God to be our expression of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the Church.

Commitment is required to hold a couple together through the difficulties of various sorts; feelings may come and go but they are not the foundation of marriage.

The foundation of marriage is love and love is commitment and where there is commitment, transparency and honesty will also be there.

Transparency in Finances

There is also the aspect of finance and property related secrets such as; hidden receipts and property title deeds, secret bank accounts, hidden motor vehicle registration certificates (car log books), etc. that are concealed from one spouse by the other.

The proper attitude that godly couples should have towards finances is that whatever I have is ‘our finances’ and not ‘my finances.’

Some hold the view that a wife’s money belongs to her alone while the husband’s money belongs to both of them. I don’t think that is correct because in a Christian marriage, the two are one therefore, even concerning finances, the two should be one.

Breaking the Walls of Secrets

Having secrets in marriage is like having a house with several rooms in which you allow your spouse access to only some of the rooms in that house but not to some of them.

God requires us to break down all the internal dividing walls in that imaginary house and allow our spouses access to every part of our ‘marriage house.’

That is God’s ideal and will for every marriage, this does not necessarily mean that you have to give account of your every minute detail to your spouse.

The point is that God’s ultimate goal in marriage is transparency and we must all work towards that.

Some spouses, especially the wives have suffered unnecessary exploitation from their partners as a result of disclosure and openness to them.

I understand the fact that being open to another exposes you and makes you vulnerable. Again, the trust you give to the other by opening up to them can be grossly violated leading to hurt.

Each couple should be able to tell at what level of intimacy they are in their relationship and be able to determine how much disclosure is not ‘too much.’ However, God’s original intention was for a marriage to be lived in transparency.

We simply need to appreciate that transparency and honesty is vital for a healthy marriage.

Transparency and Trust

The need to be trustworthy and to trust one another cannot be over emphasized, there is a continuous need to be open with one another and for couples to have no secrets.

Transparency develops when each partner in marriage prove to the other that they can be trusted. In marriage, the ability for your spouse to trust you depends on you and not on them.

You probably have heard the common proverb; ‘Trust is earned and not given.’ It does not just happen that your spouse would begin to trust you; you must earn it.

It has to be earned by proving your character and support over time. You cannot simply demand to be trusted.

You must prove yourself to be trustworthy and your spouse will become more and more transparent to you and vice versa.

The writer is a pastor of Nation shakers’ Revival Ministries in Kampala


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